Two By Two

time it was on the frozen ground
my feet fell down without a sound
now spring has come & love is young
but for me it was never found
& everywhere I see even numbers
chairs & tables just big enough for two
while in my body the seed still slumbers
awaiting somebody new

now you tell me not to grieve
I'll find someone who will not leave
cause I'm so clever he'll stay forever
you don't know why I don't believe
well maybe if your deeds matched your speaking
the way your necktie matched her shoes
I'd have some hope for what I'm seeking
& march with you, two by two

I make you laugh until you choke
I suck up & say please
as you lie braided in her body
I sleep alone & freeze
will I remain the eternal brother
when even animals find each other?
they shelter one another like lovers do
I watch them go by, two by two

she came half naked to the door
I'd never felt so alone before
my eyes went in to see your sin
though I'd sworn not to want you anymore
but all I can do is guilty spying
on a life I thought I knew
& you dare to ask me why I'm crying
then blow by me, two by two


seven years I've lived like this
in the memory of just one kiss
& one who didn't desert me but only hurt me
you couldn't know how much I'd missed
I'm always smiling, I'm never hating
I'm always overcompensating
I give too little, I give too much
I live for the simplest touch
& you caress like propaganda
your every breath a tender slander
where all I feel's forever banned
there's more to me than meets your hand
there's more to me
there's more to me
there's more to me

there I stood the other day
you held her tightly & down you lay
all my half-assed schemes, my collision dreams
& like a car wreck I couldn't look away
cause every time you consecrate her
there's still so much I'd do to you
but I just say "hey, see you later"
as you walk away, two by two


Written: Spring 2001, age 18.
Sad, alone, left out. The person I liked ended up with one of my best friends. Luckily things were about to change for me.